In this discourse, I arrived at what I consider to be a profound certainty: that one of the reasons people become fascinated by appearances and abandon essence is that every human being longs for his or her origin. One who is filled with essence feels estranged by the abundance of appearances, whereas one who is empty of essence finds nothing to occupy him except appearance.
From here, it becomes clear that a human being is distinguished in reality only by his essence. There is no value in formal difference, nor in outward distinction, if there is no essential distinction behind it. Attempting to imitate divinity through uniqueness in form and distinction in appearance does not so much imitate divinity as it imitates its absence; because true distinction exists only in essence.
As for multiplicity, regardless of how different, distinguished, and unique its forms may be, it remains multiplicity, and it does not acquire a true distinction merely because its forms differ. That which can be compensated for, exchanged, or replaced does not possess that essential distinction that makes its existence unique in its reality.
The Bliss of Essence
From here, I arrived at another certainty: true bliss is the bliss of essence.
This certainty removed from my heart a burden that had accompanied me for many long years: that question concerning the need for appearing and appearances, and the need for a human being to cover his essence with the successes, forms, and images surrounding him.
I realized that I do not need to appear in order to feel bliss, because true bliss is not in what appears on the surface, but rather in what settles within the core of the human being. If a human being is not at ease in his essence, in the very core of his inner self and heart, then there is no meaning to the abundance of appearances surrounding him.
There is no meaning in covering an essential failure with an incidental outward success. But if I succeed implicitly and essentially, an incidental outward failure does not harm me. This matter brought me great relief, because what I may lose afterward will be incidental and temporary, and not a true loss of essence.
I did not feel this relief as a result of a temporary pleasure, nor because of a passing act or temporary behavior. Rather, I felt it at the core; like someone experiencing something certain that requires no external proof. Therefore, it seemed to me that this relief is not accidental, because it does not result from something accidental.
If the essence of the human being becomes complete and he experiences essential bliss, then it will not harm him how his appearance is; because appearance, whatever it may be, will not fall outside the framework of essence. Therefore, judging by appearance has become, for me, extremely weak in comparison with appealing to essence.
The Constancy of Essence and the Rejection of Falsification
Previously, I was afraid that the foundation of things might be appearance, because I knew that this would ultimately mean that everything could be falsified, fabricated, compensated for, replaced, and changed. This matter had burdened me for many long years.
If appearance is the foundation, everything becomes capable of being false, and the human being becomes unable to trust what he sees. But if essence is the foundation, the matter is entirely different; because essence is not capable of being exchanged or falsified in this manner.
From here, I found great relief in the idea that bliss, if it is essential, is permanent, stable, and unchanging. As for change, it occurs in the accidents, and it is not an essential change.
And this leads to a very important conclusion: perhaps I do not need to change anything at all.
The Past Is Not a Mistake That Must Be Erased
When I looked at the whole of the past in its density, I looked at it with a kind of gratitude. I felt that everything had fallen into its proper place, and that there was nothing that called for changing the past.
If I changed the past, what would remain of me in the first place? And what would be the meaning of the things that happened if I erased the path that brought me to them? If my past had not been as it was, I would not have reached what I am now.
And I found that the more I loved myself, the wiser I became with myself, because loving oneself and showing oneself mercy require accepting the reality of one’s past, and not living in a futile attempt to cancel it.
I experienced the path of breaking free from constraints, just as I experienced the path of constraints, and I found that life without restraint causes things to lose their proportions, values, and usefulness. But when constraints exist, everything takes its proper size and measure, and everything acquires meaning and usefulness.
Therefore, when I looked at the past with compassion, I saw in it my accumulated wisdom and continuous experience. If the past had not been as it was, I would not be here at all.
The past, therefore, should not be treated as an enemy that must be eliminated, but rather as that which gives things their size, value, and usefulness.
What We Sow in the Past
From here, I found that the future is not separate from the past; for, ultimately, a human being reaps what he has sown.
This does not mean that everyone whose past was bad will have a bad future. Rather, what is meant is that what a human being sows in the past remains present in his course. It is unreasonable for a person to expect fruit from a tree he did not plant, or to harvest fruit from a seed he did not sow.
This indicates the existence of something that preserves the planting and nourishes it. Even if you place the seed in the darkest of darknesses, darkness will not continue forever, and within the very core of that past there may be a good and wholesome seed waiting to produce one day.
Therefore, I no longer see a reason to change the past as long as, at my core, I did not intend evil.
Indeed, the attempt to change the past may, in many cases, contain within it an admission that the human being was essentially bad. I do not see that there is an essence that is bad in itself; a human being may approach evil, and his essence may become bad, but this does not mean that there is an essence that is bad in its origin.
If a human being, in his heart and at his core, intends goodness, then he will have no need to erase the past, because the past is what will give measure to his intentions and give a body to what he has sown.
Trust Between the Human Being and His Past
Today, I found myself drawn toward the past, and therefore I trust it, and I feel that the past trusts me as well.
The past does not hold a human being hostage if the human being is not trying to flee from it. The one who attempts to do evil and then flees from its consequences is the one who becomes a hostage to his past; because he attempts to evade the consequences.
As for the one who does not flee from what he has done, and does not attempt to sever himself from his past, he is able to look at it steadily; because he does not fear eating from what he has sown or being given the thing its true measure.
From here, I moved to the idea of the Creator, wisdom, and justice.
The Creator and Justice in Existence
Previously, I was afraid that there might not be a just proportion in the distribution, and this matter greatly troubled me. At times, I imagined that the matter might simply be a struggle, like when food is thrown before people and everyone races toward it: who eats first, who eats more, and who eats less.
I feared that existence might be based on this type of competition, without a just distribution and without a just proportion.
If that were the case, I would reject it completely; because I cannot conceive of an existence without justice, nor do I see meaning in a world in which there is no wisdom, mercy, or compassion.
If there is no justice, then what guarantees security, peace, or meaning for existence? Everything would become bloody competition and pure randomness, and everything would become possible without restraint, oversight, or wisdom.
And this is extremely frightening.
In the end, I arrived at a deep reassurance that everything that happens has a purpose. I may not know this purpose, and that is a deficiency in knowledge. I may not understand it, and that is a deficiency in understanding. But my not knowing the purpose does not mean that it does not exist.
I saw, in the background of the scenes, order and wisdom, and therefore I am no longer capable of being among those who are heedless of that.
I saw what heedlessness does to the heedless, arrogance to the arrogant, disobedience to the disobedient, misguidance to the misguided, and failure to the unsuccessful. From here, I realized that there is no salvation in pretending to be contrary to what exists in the essence, and there is no benefit in contradicting what the core of the human being acknowledges.
No Voice Above the Voice of the True Creator
From here, I arrived at the conclusion that a human being cannot silence the voice residing within his depths forever.
There is no voice capable of overcoming the voice of the true Creator within the human being; because the human being, according to this conception, is connected to Him through a connection that cannot be replaced.
I tried repeatedly to deny it, but I could not. Nor can I live my life denying what I see at my core. Therefore, I became grateful even for this inability; because I found in my weakness a genuine strength that prevents me from doing what I cannot bear.
And I began to understand that some restraints do not necessarily come as punishment or injustice, but may rather be a great service to the human being.
If the human being were all-knowing, wise, and aware of everything, he would not need to be prevented from what is good for him. But prevention, restraint, and regulation may be the result of ignorance, doubt, or a deficiency in perception.
The Inability That Preserves the Human Being
I also realized that I am incapable of doing some things that might destroy me, and that this very inability is a blessing.
If a human being had absolute power to do everything he wanted, he might be able to do what harms his own existence. But for there to be something within him that prevents him, this weakness may, in reality, be a strength that preserves him.
Likewise, I found myself unable to abandon myself, despise myself, or sever myself from my existence.
I cannot condemn myself by abandoning myself, nor can I despise my existence, nor can I treat it as something without value.
From here, I understood that respect for my existence is, at its core, connected to the Creator.
Respect for Existence and the Source of Respect
If I respect my existence, and if I see value in the fact that I exist, then the source of this respect, in my conception, is the Creator.
Because I cannot separate respect for my existence from respect for the origin of existence.
Along my path, I found that the Creator, in my conception, does not insult human existence or belittle it, but rather gives it its proper measure and size, neither increasing nor diminishing it, and grants it blessings according to measure and justice.
If there were no justice, existence would turn into bloody competition and pure randomness in distribution and proportion. And what would guarantee security and peace for the human being if mercy, compassion, and wisdom were absent?
For this reason, the existence of justice became, for me, a fundamental matter, because its absence would leave existence as a whole threatened without restraint.
Love of Existence Is Not Lust
I love my existence, but not in the sense of desire alone.
I have a deep and firm relationship with my existence, and whenever I love my existence, I find that I want goodness and rectification for it, and I do not want it to be bad, defective, or incomplete.
This love of existence implicitly becomes love and respect for the Creator, because the more I respect my existence, the more I find myself respecting the origin with which this existence is connected.
For this reason, I was unable to practice a lack of respect toward my existence, even when I tried.
I tried to be an impolite human being, to free myself from all constraints, and to make non-adherence the goal, but I failed time and again.
What is strange is that, at the very core of this failure, I found success; because I discovered that I am polite by nature, and indeed, that I am polite even toward my own existence. I neither despise nor insult myself; rather, I take care of myself and attend to it.
Politeness as an Elevated Language
Here I discovered that politeness is a language that many people do not comprehend.
Politeness is not merely a set of social behaviors; rather, it is a subtle and elevated language between existing beings, and between the existent and the origin of its existence.
The polite human being is more truthful, and more attentive to subtle details, to forms, hearts, and everything connected with existence.
I also tried to be without shame or regret, but I failed. Rather, I found that I regretted even my attempt to rid myself of shame and regret.
From here, I found that one of the greatest forms of error is attempting to evade politeness, and that the worst form of politeness is attempting to rid oneself of politeness itself.
Regret and shame, according to this conception, do not necessarily mean hatred of oneself. Rather, the feeling of regret may be evidence that a human being loves his existence, and that his condition and destiny matter to him.
I love myself even while I feel shame or regret, because I see in this evidence that I take care of my existence and care about what it becomes.
Constraints and Boundaries Are Not an Enemy
I found no genuine benefit in the unrestrained freedom that I attempted to reach.
The more politeness collapsed, the more things began to lose their meaning, and the more things lost their respect, the more they lost their value and measure.
Politeness has degrees, and the first of them is law. Law is a form of coercive politeness; it gives the human being his measure directly, without needing to ask for his opinion each time.
From here, boundaries, constraints, and regulations became, for me, derived from value, respect, and usefulness, rather than being merely obstacles before the human being.
A boundary is not necessarily a negative constraint; it may be what preserves the value of a thing. And when value falls, many things of meaning fall along with it.
Love That Comes from Essence
From here, I arrived at the question of love.
At times, I did not believe the words of those who spoke about loving existence without any restriction, restraint, or respect. Because I cannot understand how a human being can truly love existence while assigning it no value, boundaries, or consideration.
I found that whoever has a genuine connection with the origin and source of existence is concerned, considerate, and respectful, and has principles, lines, boundaries, and restrictions, and does not let himself drift without purpose.
As for the one who lets himself become lost without meaning, purpose, or restraint, it is as though he despises himself and despises his existence.
For this reason, I have come to reject fabricated love.
If someone says to me, “I love you,” the word alone is not enough for me. I want its source to be essence, not lust, resentment, or some other purpose hidden behind appearance.
For true love, to me, is not merely a word.
Love is for value, respect, concern, care, mercy, and compassion toward the beloved to emanate from within. Love is for these meanings to emerge from a pure source.
The True Lover Respects Boundaries
If love originates from essence, then a human being loves the beloved’s boundaries and respects them.
One who truly loves does not need to transgress the beloved’s boundaries under the pretext of love; rather, respect for boundaries itself becomes part of love.
Someone may say, “I love you,” but an intelligent person can ask about the source of this word: Is its source a pure essence? Or lust? Or desire? Or something else?
Appearance may deceive, and words may be fabricated, but essence appears in behavior, consideration, respect, and care.
Therefore, when someone says a sincere word of love to me, I may not need him to trouble himself with the effort of showing it to me; because I see, hear, and bear witness to what is within his core.
As though I am saying to him: I see what is in your essence, so you do not need to prove it to me through appearance.
And this is close to the meaning that truth does not always need to appear in order to be perceived by the conscious human being.
The Wise Human Being Does Not Need Appearance to See the Truth
In the end, I return to the idea with which we began: essence before appearance.
The wise and compassionate human being does not need appearance in order to love the truth. Even if the truth does not appear in its external form, his heart remains with it.
Appearance may change, circumstances may change, and accidents may transform, but essence is what gives things their meaning, value, and measure.
For this reason, true bliss, for me, is the bliss of essence, and true comfort is for the human being to settle within himself, reconcile with his past, respect his existence, accept his constraints, understand the value of politeness, and distinguish between fabricated love and love that emanates from within.
When a human being reaches this point, he no longer needs an abundance of appearances to prove his value, nor to change the past to prove his righteousness, nor to break free from boundaries to prove his freedom.
Rather, he becomes capable of seeing that what preserves the value of existence is essence, politeness, respect, wisdom, justice, and sincere love.
Thus, the closer a human being comes to his essence, the less his need for appearance becomes; and the more he respects his existence, the more he respects the origin of that existence. The more he understands politeness, the more he realizes that boundaries are not always a prison, but may be the language that preserves for everything its proper measure, size, and meaning.
In the end, the wise and compassionate human being remains close to the truth, even when it does not appear before him in a clear form; because his heart does not follow appearance alone, but knows that truth may be deeper than what can be seen by the eye, and that essence may be more truthful than everything that appears on the surface.
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