Introduction: Is There an End to This Matter?
Human beings often search for a decisive end to everything: an end to pain, to conflict, to life, or even to existence itself. Yet the question that imposes itself is: Does an end truly exist?
I tend to believe that there is no end to this matter. Things do not end in the way we imagine, because in their reality they never reach a point after which everything ceases to exist. What we call "the end" is nothing but a transition into another form of existence.
Perhaps the greatest evidence of this is death.
Death Does Not End
When we contemplate death, we find that we never expect a time to come when death itself comes to an end. If death were to end, that would mean the end of existence as a whole, because death is not an event separate from existence; rather, it is one of its functions.
Therefore, the end of death would require the end of existence, and existence—in my view—does not end.
From this, it can be said that what we call death is not a final erasure, but rather a continuation in another way. Nothing reaches the state of absolute nonexistence, because existence does not grant a final limit at which everything comes to a stop.
Why Don't I Commit Suicide?
This question may seem strange, but it is, in fact, a logical question if we begin from the previous idea.
The only reason that gives me reassurance and prevents me from thinking about ending my life is that I have not found a true end for myself.
I do not say this because I cling to life or because something binds me to it. Quite the opposite.
I do not feel any compulsion forcing me to remain. I even feel that I am capable of separating from myself at any moment, and yet I find no meaning in the idea of final annihilation.
I tried to search for a complete end to my existence, but I did not find it.
Every path I imagined leading to extinction, I found at its end a new continuation, whether expected or unexpected, resembling me or not resembling me.
Thus, I realized that attempting to end existence is an impossible attempt.
The Impossibility of Erasing a Human Being
When a human being tries to imagine erasing himself from existence, he discovers that the matter does not concern him alone.
I do not exist only within myself. I also exist in the memories of others, in the traces I have left behind, in the words spoken about me, in the pictures people have kept of me, in the feelings I have stirred within them, and in the events of which I was a part.
Therefore, my complete erasure would require the erasure of all those traces as well.
If I wanted to remove myself completely from existence, I would have to erase everyone who knew me, everyone I met, and everyone who kept a picture, a memory, or a word related to me.
That is impossible.
A human being does not live only within his body; he also lives within the vast network of traces that he leaves in others.
From this, human existence becomes greater than the limits of the body.
The Right to Exist
As long as others exist, I possess the same right to exist.
If you grant yourself the right to exist, then you have implicitly granted it to me as well, whether you acknowledge it or deny it.
And if you take that right away from yourself, then you take it away from me as well.
Therefore, existence is not a privilege belonging to anyone in particular; rather, it is a mutual relationship among all beings.
Every End Was a New Beginning
I have gone through moments in which I believed that everything had come to an end.
I bid farewell to people as one bids farewell to those whom one will never meet again.
I prepared myself for a complete ending, to the point that I believed in that ending with all the certainty I possessed.
But every time, I discovered that I was beginning again.
It was as though life opened another path that I had never expected.
Thus, I learned that every end that appears absolute is nothing but the beginning of another scene.
Existence is far too vast for its door to be closed in a human being's face only once.
Existence Is an Inexhaustible Field
When I say that existence is vast, I do not merely mean spatial vastness.
I mean that it is a field of perpetual possibility.
It never reaches a state of fullness that prevents further addition, nor does it reach an emptiness devoid of everything.
It always retains a space that allows new possibilities to emerge.
Therefore, existence is capable, at every moment, of opening a path that was not present in our calculations.
It never closes its doors permanently, nor does it ever exhaust its possibilities.
Thus, no matter how much a person believes he has reached the end, another possibility still stands before him—one he had never seen before.
Is Existence Full or Empty?
The question may seem simple, yet it carries an apparent contradiction that is difficult to overcome.
If we ask: Is existence full in such a way that it cannot accept anything new? The answer is: No.
And if we ask: Is it empty, waiting to be filled? The answer is also: No.
Existence is not full in the sense that it prevents addition, nor is it empty in the sense that it lacks everything.
Rather, it combines both states at the same time.
It is full if you are looking for an accomplished reality or an already existing form, and it is empty if you are looking for a new possibility that has not yet appeared.
Therefore, fullness and emptiness are not two contradictory qualities; they are two faces of one nature.
Existence as a Field
When we speak about existence, we should not imagine it as something closed upon itself, but rather as a living field.
A field is not the things it contains, but the permanent capacity to contain them.
Just as a room is not the furniture inside it, but the space that allows that furniture to exist, likewise existence is not the beings alone, but the field that allows their appearance and continuation.
Therefore, existence is never exhausted, no matter how numerous beings become, because it is not merely their sum, but the permanent capacity to receive more.
Masculinity and Femininity as a Field
From here, the relationship between masculinity and femininity can be understood in a different way.
They are two interwoven fields.
Therefore, there is always something of masculinity within femininity, just as there is something of femininity within masculinity.
If we were to give an example of masculinity and femininity using a bottle containing a small amount of water, then the fullness would represent masculinity and the emptiness would represent femininity. The more filled the bottle is, the more masculine it is, and the more empty it is, the more feminine it is. Thus, we may ask:
Is this water containing emptiness (masculinity containing femininity), or is it emptiness containing water (femininity containing masculinity)?
Therefore, the presence of femininity within masculinity is like the presence of masculinity within femininity. Any woman who expresses masculinity is like any man who expresses femininity. Thus, whoever complains that a woman is masculine is also complaining that he himself is feminine, because whoever feels the femininity that exists outside him possesses an inner femininity. But if he sees the female without feeling her, then this means he is masculine without inner femininity. The same applies to the relationship of a woman toward a man.
Existence Is a Great Memory
The more I contemplate existence, the more convinced I become that it resembles an immense brain.
Yet this brain is not composed only of thoughts that belong to itself, but also of traces that do not directly belong to it, and yet live within it.
A human being carries in his memory words he never spoke, ideas he never invented, and feelings formed because of other people.
We do not carry only ourselves; we also carry the traces of others.
Thus, all of existence becomes a vast network of mutual traces.
A Trace Is the Memory of the Universe
When a person leaves a place, he believes that he has truly left it.
But the truth is that his trace remains.
That trace may be a word, a glance, a stance, an idea, or even a feeling that passed to another person without anyone noticing.
Therefore, traces are the true memory of the universe.
They are the way in which everything continues after its direct form has disappeared.
What matters is not that the body remains, but that its trace remains.
Therefore, existence never ceases to produce new traces, just as it never ceases to receive old ones.
Fullness That Gives Birth to Emptiness
Existence resembles a chain of connected lakes.
One fills until it overflows into the next, the second fills and overflows into the third, and so on.
Thus, fullness does not lead to stagnation, but to giving.
Emptiness does not lead to nothingness, but to receiving.
Therefore, loss is not the opposite of fullness, just as fullness is not the opposite of loss.
They are two complementary movements within one cycle.
True Balance
A human being grows tired because he waits to become full, or fears becoming empty.
But what if he realized that everything he loses is matched by something he gains?
And that every particle leaving his life is replaced by another particle?
Then he leaves behind waiting for fullness, just as he leaves behind the fear of emptiness.
He begins to see existence as it is, not as he wishes it to be.
The Awareness That Waits for Nothing
There is an awareness that always lives in expectation.
It waits to obtain something, or to get rid of something.
But there is another level of awareness.
An awareness that does not wait to receive anything, because it feels that it has received everything it is capable of receiving.
Nor does it wait to get rid of anything, because it has already given everything it is capable of giving.
In this state, the human being becomes fully present.
Not because he possesses everything, but because he no longer demands that existence be different from what it is.
Death as a Continuous State
When a human being reaches this level, he discovers that death is not an event that occurs only once.
It happens continuously.
At every moment, an old form ends and a new form is born.
Whoever cannot die at every moment cannot truly live at every moment.
For life itself is a continuous chain of endings and beginnings.
Whoever possesses the ability to end a relationship, an idea, or a stage also possesses the ability to begin another relationship, another idea, and another life.
The ability to end is not the opposite of the ability to begin; rather, it is its other face.
A Human Being Does Not Feel Himself as a Man or a Woman
One of the most common illusions is that a human being believes his feelings arise from being a man or a woman, and that the difference in sex creates a fundamental difference in the human experience.
Yet contemplation leads to a different conclusion.
It is consciousness that feels, not the body.
If bodies were exchanged, the fundamental experience would remain the same.
A human being grieves, rejoices, fears, hopes, and feels lack or fullness whether he is a man or a woman. What usually changes is the form of the experience, while its inner structure remains the same.
The difference between the one who believes himself to be on this side and the one who believes himself to be on the other side is, in many cases, no more than a difference in the place where the experience is lived, not in the experience itself.
One may cry in one room, and another may cry in another room, but the crying is the same, the pain is the same, and the hope is the same.
Therefore, preoccupation with outward differences often conceals the profound unity that brings all human beings together.
No One Is Outside the Experience
A human being sometimes imagines that some people were destined only for success, or only for happiness, or only for strength.
But reality does not testify to that.
There is no human being who lives with strength without knowing weakness, and no one tastes joy without passing through sorrow, just as there is no one who escapes loss, disappointment, or anxiety.
Every being passes through all the spectrums of existence, even if the proportions and circumstances differ.
Therefore, existence excludes no one from the experience; rather, it distributes it in different ways.
Why Do Negative Beings Exist?
If we contemplate the world, we find that it is not limited to what we describe as positive, but also includes what we see as negative, harmful, or deficient.
Here an important question arises: Why does existence allow such beings to exist?
Because negativity is not an eternal state.
A being that is regarded as negative can affirm its position, acknowledge its reality, and find its place within existence.
When that acknowledgment is achieved, it no longer remains imprisoned by its old image.
The first step toward positivity is not the claim of perfection, but the acknowledgment of deficiency. Whoever acknowledges his deficiency is positive.
Acknowledgment Is the Beginning of Transformation
When a human being acknowledges the negative side within himself, he has already begun to move beyond it.
As for the one who denies his negativity and insists that he is perfect, pure, or infallible, he remains a prisoner of what he tries to deny.
Therefore, the person who says, "I am negative," may be closer to positivity than the person who constantly proclaims his positivity while refusing to see his flaws.
Honesty with oneself is the beginning of every transformation.
Earth and Heaven
Many people want to appear as though they are heavenly beings, separated from the earth, from error, and from the past.
Yet the one who truly rises is the one who acknowledges his earthly roots.
Whoever does not acknowledge his past, nor admit that he has erred, wronged, or been ignorant, remains a prisoner of that past, even if he claims to have gone beyond it.
Acknowledgment does not take a person backward; rather, it frees him from it.
From Negativity to Positivity
Existence does not move from perfection to deficiency, but from deficiency to completion.
A child begins with helplessness and then learns.
The ignorant begin with ignorance and then acquire knowledge.
The weak begin with weakness and then acquire strength.
The natural movement of life is a continuous transition from negativity to positivity.
Therefore, the one who repeats his mistakes without self-examination not only returns to the past, but chooses to live within it once again.
Self-Reflection
When I look at my past, I do not see a perfect human being.
Rather, I see a person who caused pain just as he caused joy.
I see a person who was ignorant at times, mistaken at times, and correct at other times.
With time, I realized that every happiness I gave to someone may have been accompanied by sorrow that reached someone else.
And every piece of knowledge I conveyed to one person may have meant neglecting another.
Existence is more complex than having outcomes that move in only one direction.
Therefore, I no longer seek the image of the saint who never errs, but the image of the human being who understands the effects of his actions and bears responsibility for them.
Beyond Positivity and Negativity
As time passed, I no longer felt that I was moving toward becoming a positive person in the common sense.
Rather, I feel that I am moving toward another state.
A state in which a human being is no longer imprisoned by the duality of positive and negative.
It is a state in which a human being expresses himself as he truly is, not as society wishes to describe him, nor as programming or ready-made classifications impose upon him.
Then he no longer speaks as a man, or as a member of a group, or as the representative of an idea, but speaks as a being that exists.
This shared existence opens the door to understanding all beings.
The human being, the animal, the plant, and everything in the universe share the reality of existence before they differ in their forms.
From here, dialogue with existence as a whole becomes possible, because the origin that unites everyone precedes the qualities that distinguish them.
Discovering Oneself
Long ago, I stopped believing that I was a perfect human being, or that I was capable of reaching the image of the saint who never errs.
I discovered that holiness, as people imagine it, is not the image that expresses the human being; rather, it often becomes a mask that conceals his true nature.
I never found myself in that mask.
Instead, I found myself to be a human being who has lived goodness and evil, benefit and harm, strength and weakness, just as every being does.
Therefore, my concern is no longer to appear pure in the eyes of others, but to understand myself as I truly am, without embellishment or denial.
Are Harm and Benefit Equal?
When I reviewed my life, I did not find that I had been purely good, just as I did not find that I had been purely evil.
My actions harmed some people, just as they benefited others.
I did good in some situations, and I made mistakes in others.
With time, I began to feel that existence rearranges these traces in a way that does not allow either side to monopolize the whole picture.
The benefit I provide today may lessen an old harm, and the mistake I commit today may lead me tomorrow to repair what I have damaged.
Therefore, I no longer see my life as a series of victories or failures, but as a continuous movement toward a kind of balance.
Human Beings and Animals
The more I look at animals, the more convinced I become that the separation between us is not as great as we imagine.
When I look into the eyes of a cat, a dog, a horse, or a bird, I do not feel that there is an existential divide between us.
I feel that we share one reality, even though our means of expressing it differ.
It exists, and I exist.
It lives its experience, and I live mine.
Each of us carries his own way of perceiving the world.
Therefore, I no longer see the animal as a being inferior to the human being, but as a being that shares with me the same origin of existence.
Existence Erases Nothing
I also realized that every moment in which I felt deficiency was matched by another moment in which I felt completeness.
Every time I was let down, I found loyalty elsewhere.
Every time I was betrayed, I found another experience that revealed to me the meaning of trust.
Therefore, I no longer see events as separate from one another, but as links in one continuous movement.
Existence does not reduce a human being to a single experience, nor does it allow one event to become his final definition.
The End of Anxiety
Anxiety accompanied me through most stages of my life.
I worried about loss, the future, the opinions of others, and endless possibilities.
But little by little, I began to discover that anxiety adds nothing to reality.
It does not prevent loss, hasten success, or change what has happened.
When I realized this, anxiety began to lose its authority over me.
The reason was not that life's problems had ended, but that my relationship with them had changed.
I began to face them without adding to them the burden of fearing them.
Acknowledging Human Qualities
I have envied.
I have desired.
I have become angry.
I have been arrogant at times.
I find no diminishment of myself in acknowledging these things.
Rather, I see it as the beginning of understanding myself.
A person who says that he has never known envy, never felt greed, or never experienced a moment of arrogance is not describing a human being, but painting an ideal image that is difficult to find in reality.
All these qualities are part of the human experience.
The problem does not lie in their existence, but in denying them.
Contentment Does Not Eliminate Desire
I may desire something and long to obtain it.
Yet I no longer see this desire as my enemy, as long as it moves within the boundaries of contentment.
Contentment does not mean the absence of desire; rather, it means that desire does not become slavery.
Therefore, I may ask for more and strive to attain it, while at the same time remaining content if I do not attain it.
A human being does not lose his freedom because he desires; he loses it when desire is what leads him.
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